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In the middle of the political and pseudo-celebrity flapdoodle over Mark Sanford, governor of South Carolina and occasional voice for family values conservatism, there’s a question I keep asking in the back of my mind.
How would I handle this if he were a member of a church where I served?
All too often, when a high profile married man in church life is caught out publicly in infidelity, he can’t get away from the church fast enough — and candidly, most of my experience pastorally is where the woman attended but the man did not, and wasn’t even an inactive member.
But in this case, while I’m hearing — to my great frustration — the usual rationalizations and justifications interwoven with the acceptance of responsibility and request for forgiveness, there is clearly a glimmer of a sense that this man knows he has done wrong, knows he should not have gone down that road, knows he should have stopped himself long ago . . . and yet he went back down to Argentina, which he seems to have figured out was a bad idea to start with, but didn’t quite regret so much as was sorry he’d gotten caught.
But let’s say he went down “to break it off” (yes, I know, that means he thought there was still a chance, since whether across town or around the globe, going to visit the person “to break it off” is never a good sign), and now he is . . . well, let’s say he’s trying to change his ways, and realizes, or is starting to realize, that this was sin and he is in it up to his ankles, head first.
How, pastorally, do you talk to and work with this man? And how do you speak to the wronged spouse — and don’t give me the “it takes two to tango,” since a) that’s not in the Bible, and b) no, it often doesn’t take two, just one — so when the offender asks you to speak to the offendee, how do you respond?
The Sanfords have CNN and a house on Sullivans Island and a million Twitter comments, but in many ways the story, with the attractive other woman, the father-in-law sitting on the porch, and children caught in the middle . . . it’s a story that plays out in and next door to our congregations, I dare say almost every month, if not every day.
What would your pastoral counsel be? Not just for clergy, but for church leaders in general? Do we just stick with the hollow joke of “who gets custody of the church?’ which we know often ends up being “neither.”
And we just can’t leave Jon and Kate + 8 out of the picture, where I keep thinking of the counseling I’d hope they each could get (and i’ve never seen any of the shows except last Mondays, so I’m new to this one). The Sanfords and the Gosselins have presented themselves as struggling, conflicted, believing, committed Christians. As Christians, how would we as church reach out to them?
About two years ago, I started messing around with podcasting sermons. It seemed a convenient way to both play around with a new technology and archive sermons in an easily searchable format. I bought an inexpensive recording device by Samson that easily plugged into the church’s sound system and started recording the services and posting my sermons on my own website and on iTunes.
It wasn’t the tape versions of the service that the church of my childhood had issued to all the shut-ins who couldn’t come to church, though that is an important ministry. Podcasting sermons was a ministry for my generation. Tired of all the sweaty (mostly male) preachers parading in front of their crystal clear podiums on religious broadcasting t.v., it was no wonder that the term “Christian” had left the taste of sour lemons in the mouths of most young Americans. If the t.v. preaching pundits had the definition on faith, then the Jesus I followed, who had preached a message of social inclusion and an inverted power of the gospel, would have been ill at home with the first-shall-be-first message on mass media religion.
I wanted to crystalize for my friends, for the good people of my generation, who are marching in picket lines and standing up for social justice that their values and ideals paraded before a crowd of 5,000 around the Sea of Galilee and insisted that people be fed before they could be taught. It was God’s agent, Amos, who called for justice to roll down like waters, and Isaiah who dreamed an end to the use of weapons of war. It wasn’t that their ideas to save the earth were new, the problem was that they were ancient. They had come around again but without the connection to the long tradition of change, and untethered to the life force of God that had surfaced them in the first place.
Podcasting sermons was a way to put a different voice into the mix of religion and media. It didn’t begin as a service to my congregation, though a few of them have said they appreciate listening to them when they are out of town. It was a deliberate attempt to put a few more voices around the social media table and share that broader minds makes for better religion. The beauty of podcasting is that because anyone can do it and it is inexpensive to make, the voice of the people becomes theirs again. There are no priests of production who intervene for the people, but rather a direct-access-get-it-when-you-need-it-say-it-the-way-you-want-it line to God and ideas about God available in 24k download.
Now, I’m twice as likely to hear from a woman two states away as I am from a member who listened in because their daughter’s camping trip took them away from Sunday’s sanctuary. The new employee tells me he listened to my sermons before accepting a position and sometimes forwards them to his sister who has stepped in and out of churches for so long she looks like she’s doing a waltz. Putting sermons out there for the world to hear means that your parish has just expanded to the size of the internet and the woman in D.C. who contacts me and asks if there was anywhere close to her that she might hear a message like this, shows that tending lambs and feeding sheep is possible anywhere, even across cyber space.
I’m not likely to meet most of the people who visit our church’s website or listen to a sermon on iTunes. That isn’t the point. We don’t share the gospel for our benefit. We don’t preach the Word to fill our pews. We preach it because it compels us and because speaking Christ to our world is both our call and our command. On our church’s website the sermon page gets the most hits. Someone out there is listening. I hope not just to me.
Rev. Janetta Cravens Boyd is pastor of University Christian Church in Seattle, WA, and interested in how social media is changing church culture.
Like many pastors I’ve taken up blogging. I expect that each of us blogs for different reasons – I read enough of these blogs to get sense of how different we are in our use of the blogs. But, each of us blogs because we have something to say to a broader audience – an audience that is likely broader than our immediate congregation. On any given day I get between 150 to 250 hits. That’s not huge, but it’s respectable, and it is a number far beyond the number I reach in my own congregation (especially when you take a weekly cumulative number).
Rebecca asked me to write this post in part because I blog so frequently. My practice is to blog daily, except when I’m simply unable to get to a computer with internet access! Part of my reasoning for blogging daily might have something to do with vanity. I want to attract readers. With that in mind, early on I had read a blog post by Scot McKnight, author of the Jesus Creed blog, which said that if you want to attract and keep a readership, you have to blog daily. I took up the challenge, and have tried to keep up the pace ever since – and my readership has grown as a result.
As to why I blog – I must confess up front that one of the attractions of blogging is that it allows me to publish whatever I want to publish, whenever I want to publish it. I am my own editor. Now, I enjoy writing, so this is not drudgery. Before I took up blogging I had to depend on the good graces of publishers and journal editors – and I have been able to put out a fairly large number of published pieces, including three books and numerous articles and reviews for both general and academic journals – to get my thoughts in print. Although I have a fairly large corpus of published works, and I even edit a journal (Sharing the Practice), that has never seemed to be enough for me. So, now I can write what I want, when I want, with few if any filters (the only real filter is me – I’m ever cognizant of the fact that I have a family and I’m a pastor).
In my personal blog – Ponderings on a Faith Journey – I write upon a wide spectrum of issues, but always with my faith in mind (except those occasions when I talk sports). Even my political posts usually have a faith component. I also have sermon blog, on which I post my sermons each week entitled Words of Welcome.
The question is – how do I keep this in balance with my daily work as a pastor and my commitments to family? That is a difficult question to answer, except to say I do my best to keep things balanced. Much of what I write are reflections on theology and the daily news. Sometimes I pick up political/social/cultural issues – usually after reading the news online. I might pick up a point to comment on. Sometimes it’s the comments made by my visitors that propels a series of blog posts. I tend not to engage in too many conversations in the comments section, but instead, offer up a new post to further the conversation. Blogging has also given me impetus to finish the books I read – especially the ones sent to me by publishers – so that I can offer reviews. As you can see there is an untold amount of information to dig through, reflect upon, and comment upon. There are times, when I have to really dig deep to come up with something, but that usually has more to do with where I’m at that day than it does with regard to my sources of information.
One of the things that a blogging pastor has to be aware of is the “employer.” Rebecca, in inviting me to offer this post, commented that I often pick up controversial issues. That is true. I’ve endorsed a candidate for President – noting carefully that I did so as private citizen and not as a pastor. I’ve dealt with gay marriage, the death penalty, war, and even abortion. If you’re a church member and you have access to the blog you likely know what I think about such issues. Now, I have the advantage that the search committee – or at least some members of the search committee – had been reading my blog even as we were in the interview process. They knew in advance that I took up controversial issues, that I was somewhat to the left on certain issues, and that I wasn’t afraid to express them on the blog. When I was presented to the congregation, it was noted that I was a blogger. So, even if you don’t agree with my positions, you know I do this. That gives me a certain amount of freedom. But, at the same time I try not to abuse that freedom. My suggestion to prospective blogging pastors is simply to check it out with your leadership. Let them know what you’re up to. If they have concerns about what you write, then heed their warnings.
Not every pastor needs to have a blog, though having ways of utilizing the new media is important. But if you’re going to do this, and do it right, you have to enjoy writing. I write, because it’s part of who I am, and I’m thankful that I have this outlet to express my thoughts. Hopefully over the course of time, I’ve become a better writer and more adept at sharing my thoughts clearly and as concisely as I’m able! I will let my readers decide if this is true.
Bob Cornwall is Pastor of Central Woodward Christian Church of Troy, MI, husband of Cheryl, and father of Brett. He is also editor of Sharing the Practice (Academy of Parish Clergy) and a regular contributor to the Christian Century blog — Theolog.
Squirrel on a skateboard. Photo: kthypryn (Creative Commons license)
You may have seen reports of a Kentucky pastor who has invited his congregations to bring their guns to church for a combined gun rights/Independence Day celebration. Blogger and pastor Greg Howell shares his thoughts on the subject of God and guns in a post titled “Second Amendment or Sixth Commandment?”
The Creme Anglaise blog has several great, short posts this week. I agreed with her thoughts on good and bad shopping trips, but also appreciated the post on Some Tardy Articles about the Death of George Tiller.
East Dallas Christian Church is kicking off a 4-week sermon series this Sunday. The subject: Being People of Hope in Times of Fear. Blogger Nathan Hill, minister of church life at EDCC, frames it by asking, “Are we consumers of fear? And is this what Jesus calls us to be?” Read more here.
Christian Piatt asks, Can you be both an atheist and a Christian? Before you dismiss his question with a remark about foxholes, consider what he has to say. Then read Danny Bradfield’s post on Field of Dandelions, “Encounter with Jesus.” It contains this imagined exchange:
Jesus: “You could offer me a glass of water … or a beer.”
Danny: “Um, yeah. Okay. I’ll get you some water, we don’t have any beer.”
Jesus: “Look again.”
Katherine Willis Pershey is Blurbing. What’s that, you ask? It’s slurping your blog into a book (and in the process, reflecting on life, as she does in this post.)
Kory Wilcoxson’s Thoughts on God…and other stuff blog (and Kory himself) are beginning a three-month sabbatical, but he posted his pre-sabbatical sermon on Honoring the Sabbath. Kory does a wonderful job of helping his congregation (and anyone reading it) understand the difference between a sabbatical and a vacation, setting it in the context of biblical Sabbath-keeping as renewal and worship.
Speaking of taking time off, the NewsMuse blog will not be updated next week, with the exception of our guest blog on Social Monday. This week’s guest blogger is Bob Cornwall, who writes Ponderings on a Faith Journey. Check out his post today on Remembering D-Day, then come back here on Monday for his thoughts on how to maintain a great blog (hint: Bob blogs every day.)
Have a great week!
Just posted an article on disciplesworld.com about the response of a Disciples of Christ congregation and several other faith groups to the suicide of 11-year-old Jaheem Herrera. On April 16, Herrera, a fifth-grader, came home from school, went up to his room, and hung himself with a fabric belt. According to his mother and friends, he was the victim of constant bullying, teased for his accent, and called “gay” by some of his classmates at Dunaire Elementary in Stone Mountain, Georgia.
Can churches and parents do more to stop bullying? Photo: Steven Hernandez (Creative Commons license)
After his death, First Christian Church of Decatur, Georgia, co-hosted a prayer service on April 24. During the service, religious leaders called on communities of faith to tone down the anti-gay and anti-immigrant rhetoric.
After Jaheem’s death, several parents complained that their children were also the victims of bullying at the school. But the DeKalb County school system’s report, made public on May 20, said there had been no bullying, just the “typical” name calling and teasing (which begs the question, what then is bullying, especially in a school with a ‘zero tolerance policy’?)
The Atlanta Journal Constitution covered the story extensively. As I was reading through its archives, I came across an article by Celeste Lawrence about Jaheem’s burial service, held in St. Croix, U.S. Virgin Islands, where his family had emigrated from. This last paragraph just about broke my heart:
In a final show of solidarity, Jaheem’s family and friends followed the hearse to his burial site farther down the hill. The blue and white balloons that decorated the church had been distributed to the children in attendance and were released simultaneously in the air during the graveside ceremony. The brisk island trade winds carried them higher and farther away until they were mere specks in the distance, leaving behind Masika Bermudez’s muffled screams to pierce the silence as Jaheem’s coffin was finally lowered into the ground and covered with the first sprinklings of dirt.
Jaheem’s mother, Masika Bermudez, appeared on Oprah Winfrey’s show along with the parent of a boy in Massachusetts who also hung himself after being bullied. One of the guests on Oprah’s program was Dorothy Espelage, a professor at the University of Illinois who conducts research and has published books and articles on the subject of bullying. Espelage notes the prevalence of ‘sexual bullying’ and calls it a form of sexual harrassment.
What can churches do about bullying, and about sexual bullying? Should they do anything?
What can parents do if their own child is the target of bullying, sexual bullying, or other forms of sexual harrassment at school? How do we keep our own children from becoming bullies or from joining in when others are teasing or putting people down? Do we just stand by and say, kids will be kids?
Social media tools like Facebook, Twitter, and Myspace are working their way into our churches and the connections and communications that are made possible by social media changes how pastors and congregations relate and communicate. Ministries that once relied on pen and paper (or at least the newsletter) for communication can move at the speed of the internet. Relationships that might naturally ebb away after a pastor moves, can now be kept up in perpetuity in cyber space. Thanks to social media, you and your eighth grade boys cabin can remain friends for life.
How is this new connectivity changing the way pastors and congregations relate to each other?
1. Removes the robe. The cloak of professionalism that keeps pastors and congregants in relationships that traditionally orbit around the functions of a church building, gets shrugged off the shoulders. The robe is a symbol that separates the sacred from the profane, the worldly from the holy and when a minister steps into the robe she steps into holy time — out of this world and into the realm of God. However, even without the robe, some people think that the mystique of the holy still clings to their clothing and we expect to be able to glance at them, even sitting behind their desk, and see a little glistening. Ministers are hardly people who got tired, irritated, or disappointed. Let alone depressed, or fall in love.
In social media space, however; pastors and congregants become human to each other. Each social media tool asks participants to answer simple questions like, “What are you doing?” or “What is on your mind?” If we are honest in answering these questions, then we also reveal the gamut of our humanness to each other. Rather than keeping to the sterile politeness that files off anything that might be remotely real, we become participants in a common humanity. We are not a pastor and a congregant, but people who clean the bathrooms because the relatives are coming, and who need coffee at 3 in the afternoon to stay awake for the next meeting. Rather than defined by the definitions of our supposed roles, we are defined by who we are, what we do, and what we care about.
2. Makes it easier to stay connected. Quite simply, this is what social media was designed for — on-line tools that let humans do what humans do best — build relationships and make connections. Churches might have invented the concept that meaningful relationships happen best in community, but we now have a tool at our fingertips that lets those relationships flourish outside of the church facility. No longer limited to geography, social media makes it possible to create groups, on pages like Facebook, develop your own social media sites using technology like Ning and Joomla.
Although a church usually sees itself as one community, it is usually communities within a community. There are naturally formed groups, like the youth group, and some officially designated groups, like the board or the “50 Year Members” club. Think about your church as a series of overlapping communities, each with their own need to communicate, organize, and connect. Social media tools makes it possible to create ways for groups within the church to stay connected.
Because of social media tools, the connectivity between a group and the church is no longer a one-way street. Whereas communication traffic once started with the church and radiated outwards, using social media, it’s a three-way street with public transit. Using the tools provided through social media, churches can keep up with the group, the group can keep up with each other, and the pastor can continue a relationship with both their congregation and the group, all while people from the world (depending on the social media site) hop on and off and get interested in what is going on.
Here are some of the methods I’m aware of how social media has been used in congregations:
Keep up with the graduating class as they go off to college.
Create a discussion page for youth in pastors classes about faith and their upcoming baptism.
Create groups for people who have some relationship to the church, but may not be regular worshipers. (This could be your regional minister, colleagues, or the once a month attendees — but all have a vested interest in what is going on.)
Create your churches own social media site — where congregants can create their own profile, start forums, post events to a calendar, and notify each other of anything of interest.
Advertise special events and invite others to attend the “event” in virtual space, even if they can’t be there in person.
However, social media is changing how pastors and congregants can stay connected even after a pastor is no longer serving a church. The protective measures we have implemented to help define boundaries: such as pastors not joining the churches they have just left or retired from — become blurred in social media where pastors and congregants can remain connected and continue a relationship even when the pastor is no longer in the same geographic location. Or, when congregants move away, they can still maintain a relationship with their pastor. Social media tools may mean that someone still has a connection to a minister through life’s transitions.
3. Changes the timing of the release of information. A pastor posts they are working on a deficit budget and anyone who keeps up with them through social media has four additional days to stew on this piece of information before its announced to the whole congregation at the next meeting. Or, a pastor posts that someone just came by for some pastoral care, and what might be a general statement about the reality of ministry, becomes insider information for a parishioner familiar enough with the context to fill in other details — like who might have just stopped by. One of the hazards of social media is that it makes all conversations for everybody, and the nuances that are permitted through other manners of communication that take into account different audiences, is diminished or erased all together.
It also means, however; that events that might take a week to be released through more traditional methods of communication like the newsletter or announcements on a Sunday morning, can be shared, advertised, and invited, as soon as they are planned. Members of a congregation who are connected through social media can create events and invite each other without the pastor needing to get involved. And, through tools like “invite others to this event” feature on Facebook, anyone can do easy evangelism.
Pastoral Responses: Funerals, Counseling, and Releasing Control
The flexibility of social media may send pastors or congregational leaders who like to keep their finger on the pulse of planning into hysterics, or it may become a tool of liberation — depending on the leadership style of the individual. However, social media tools do provide quick ways to keep in communication with those willing to use it. A quick, “how are you doing, missed seeing you today,” no longer requires a stamp. Or a “wow, your kids has sure grown, loved seeing the picture of you all down in Florida,” can be quick ways of continuing a pastoral relationship.
It can also be a vehicle for responding to pastoral needs, like being able to be present in moments of crisis or care that might be otherwise unavailable without the on-line relationship. Personally speaking, I had a friend die unexpectedly, and unable to attend the funeral, I created an on-line group for “friends of” my friend to remember him. For weeks, friends used the page to post pictures of him, comment to each other, advertise directions to the funeral, and in other ways support each other through our grief. It became a kind of virtual grieving wall that transcended geography and brought a community of friends together. Not a traditional funeral by any means, it was however; clearly a moment of pastoral care made possible through the tools of social media.
Using social media tools, does however, require release of control. Your congregation may organize without you. Your pastor may advertise an event before it gets printed in the newsletter. You will create a page for your youth group and someone will post an unflattering picture of you drooling from underneath your sleeping bag. But this is part of being human and being with each other in social and meaningful relationships. And a part of becoming reengaged in community life with each other.
Rev. Janetta Cravens Boyd is pastor of University Christian Church in Seattle, WA, and interested in how social media is changing church culture.
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