Photo: Shahram Sharif (Creative Commons license)
If you’ve ever passed someone on the street and said “hello,” but the other person didn’t acknowledge your greeting, you’ve experienced something called disconfirmation. According to Julia T. Wood, in Interpersonal Communication: Everyday Encounters, we “confirm” someone with both non-verbal (a nod, a smile) and verbal (a return greeting, or even a friendly grunt) communication. “We disconfirm others at a fundamental level when we don’t acknowledge their existence,” Wood writes.
Most of us have a tolerance, perhaps even an acceptance, of a certain level of disconfirmation in life. We probably don’t give that passing stranger another thought. On the other end of the spectrum, the church member or family member who repeatedly snubs us with the silent treatment might cause us greater angst.
Each advance in communication has brought with it the potential for all of us to be the recipients of more disconfirmation, as well as to add to it. The unreturned phone call … the email that went unacknowledged … and now, the requests to connect and be “Friends” and follow someone back. There are more ways to connect, but there are also more ways to miss each other and to miss opportunities to confirm and affirm each other.
Furthermore, as followers of Christ, who went out of his way to “confirm” those who were disconfirmed by many, I believe there’s a faith dimension to the issue.
Some, like social media expert Chris Brogan, treat social media as legitimate items on the “To Do” list, and schedule them in daily or weekly. I like this idea, because I’m the kind of person who needs structure, methods, and tools to get things done. Still, I’m not as good at managing my communications as I’d like to be, and if I’ve disconfirmed you, I apologize.
What do you think? How do you keep up with social media? And are Christians called to attend to the problem of disconfirmation, at least in our own lives, if not in the world?
2 comments
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October 6, 2009 at 1:36 pm
Joel
If no one were to comment here on the blog is that a form of disconfirmation?
October 6, 2009 at 2:16 pm
Rebecca
Blogging is full of the opportunities for disconfirmation. But along with that, I think a certain level is expected and acceptable.
According to Julia Wood (who I mention in the post) there are three levels of confirmation.
1.) Confirming others exist
2.) Acknowledging their thoughts or feelings
3.) Endorsement
Looking at blog stats, a blogger can see how many people actually read a post (which might equate to level 1 of confirmation.) Generally, there is at least a 10-to-1 ratio of readers to comments.
Comments might equate with level 2. Even comments that disagree can be confirming, I think, if they acknowledge the validity of the writer’s position or his/her feelings.
Level 3 would be when someone reads a post and thinks enough to say something good about it on their own blog post, and include a link back.
I wonder if this has anything to do with why so many people start blogging, but don’t stick with it. There’s the time commitment, of course. And you have to come up with ideas. And then even when you do, there are the times when no one comments.
So in light of this, thanks, Joel, for commenting.